BE AN EFFECTIVE COACH – March 31, 2009

The core steps in coaching can be summarized by the acronym SOAR – show, observe, assess, reinforce.

Show: Communicate at your employees’ level. Give them the chance to ask questions before they begin applying the lessons or skills  they’ve learned.

Observe: Stand back and let the employees try to do what you’ve discussed or demonstrated. Be patient when they practice. It takes longer to do something new at first. Be careful not to show signs of disapproval.

Assess: Look for small wins. Focus more quickly on things that are wrong than those that are done correctly. Be objective in evaluating employees’ performance.

Reinforce: Discuss or demonstrate again the particular aspects your employees need to improve. If appropriate, show variations in how it might be done.

The Office Professional

Cheok Kau Khoo is the Principal Trainer/Consultant for Kairos Performance Learning with working experience in education, manufacturing and service industries. He had been personally trained by Dr. Robert Cialdini who is the most cited expert in the Principles of Persuasion. He is certified in numerous training programs, including Coaching and is listed in the International Who’s Who of Professionals. He can be contacted at: ckkhoo@kairospl.com.

The Righteous Old Woman

March 25, 2009

An old woman got up early to prepare breakfast – two cups of coffee and two bowls of cereals. She then called her husband to eat breakfast. As her husband just sat down on the chair, this lady began to scold her neighbor whose house was covered with spider webs and mud. She began to brag of how well she kept her house clean compared with her neighbour’s house. Her husband listened patiently.

The next morning, the old woman got up in the morning again to prepare breakfast for her husband. She made two cups of coffee and 2 bowls of cereals as usual. As her husband sat down and looked out the window, she began to grumble at her neighbour’s clothes hanging outside. The clothes looked gray and dirty and she wondered how her neighbor washed those clothes compared to her clean white clothes. It was sickening to the ears of her husband. So, he went outside to have his coffee, still being able to hearing the audible scolding of her wife.

The third morning, the woman made the usual two cups of coffee and two bowls of cereals. This time the husband plugged his ears to avoid hearing his wife scolding the neighbor. Yet he could still hear her, scolding the neighbour’s dirty children whose hairs were covered with cobwebs and cheeks with the bird’s poop. “How come the neighbour did not wash their children properly”, she thundered.

This scolding went on every morning – dirty house, dirty clothes and dirty children.

One morning, the husband sat at the table for his breakfast with the usual cup of coffee and a bowl of cereal. The scolding of the neighbor went on as usual and as the old woman sat down, lo and behold, her neighbour’s house was transformed – it was freshly painted. The clothes hung outside to dry were brilliantly white and the children looked so clean. She exclaimed that her prayers were answered.

Her husband then in a soft voice told her that last night after she went to bed, he went outside and washed their outside window!

Leadership Lesson:

It is always easy and quick to judge others for their mistakes and failures when we ourselves are the problem. Leaders must not be quick to look for the “dirt” in others. Instead they must look for the “gold” in others. Leaders must walk the talk. We have seen leaders who have labeled others as corrupt and incompetent when they themselves are the same. Leaders have to clean their “windows” first before condemning other people’s windows as dirty. There is a great need for leaders to examine their own lives and listen to the inner voice in their inner lives. This is the way to leadership greatness.

Cheok Kau Khoo

Cheok Kau Khoo is the Principal Trainer/Consultant for Kairos Performance Learning with working experience in education, manufacturing and service industries. He had been personally trained by Dr. Robert Cialdini who is the most cited expert in the Principles of Persuasion. He is certified in numerous training programs and is listed in the International Who’s Who of Professionals. He can be contacted at: ckkhoo@kairospl.com.

Heard about Emotional Capability? To find out more, please click on the “Training Workshop” category to find out.

March 16, 2009

One day a king was asked by his two sons whether a gentleman is born or made. The king instead of answering the question, asked his two sons for their opinions. The first son said that a gentleman was born a gentleman. The other son disagreed because he believed that a man could become a gentleman through training and discipline. The king then challenged both of them to prove their case in a week’s time.

So the two sons went their different ways to prove their opinions.

The son who believed that a gentleman was made, not born discovered his proof in a tavern. He saw a cat which could serve as a waiter, standing on its hind legs and carrying a tray with its forepaws. He reasoned to himself that if a cat could be changed, so could a man. So, he bought the cat and took it to the court of the king.

The second son searched everywhere in the kingdom but he could not find his proof about his opinion. He was in despair and to make matters worse, he knew his brother had obtained his proof. However, just hours before he appeared in the king’s court, he bought something from a store and told no one about his purchase.

Both sons brought along a box each. The first son then proved his opinion by presenting the cat which gave the king a tray of chocolates. Everyone applauded for the first son. Now was the turn for the second son to prove his case. He opened his box to release several mice into the court. Immediately, the cat ran on all fours to catch the mice.

The inner nature of the cat was revealed – a walking cat is still a cat. The cat can be trained to walk on two hind legs, taught how to serve as a waiter and to perform tricks. Given something like the mice, the cat could not resist. Even changing its clothes could not change the nature of the cat.

Leadership Lesson:

Change must come from within. We can send leader to leadership training so that they can have the necessary leadership competencies to perform. However, if they are not changed from the inside, we can be making dangerous leaders with no principles, no integrity and only become arrogant and proud. We have read about unethical leaders who cheated their organizations, corrupt, egoistic and self-seeking. If leaders are only changed from the outside, their dark side of leadership inside them will create havoc for others and they will ultimately destroy themselves. Change must start from within. It is an inside-out approach.

Cheok Kau Khoo

Cheok Kau Khoo is the Principal Trainer/Consultant for Kairos Performance Learning with working experience in education, manufacturing and service industries. He had been personally trained by Dr. Robert Cialdini who is the most cited expert in the Principles of Persuasion. He is certified in numerous training programs and is listed in the International Who’s Who of Professionals. He can be contacted at: ckkhoo@kairospl.com.

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March 10, 2009

The Newly-wed Couple

A couple just got married and they returned from their wonderful honeymoon to set up their new home. In the past, the new wife had not done much cooking in her life. Being excited as a new wife, she wanted to give her husband a special treat and so she got up early in the morning to prepare breakfast. She fried some eggs, toasted the bread and poured him a big cup of coffee. She hoped her husband would be pleased with her breakfast preparation and waited for some words of praise. The husband took a few bites and commented, “It’s just not like my Mom’s usual breakfast cooking.”

Undaunted by the negative comments and with a strong zeal to have a good start as husband and wife, she was determined to try again the next morning. She diligently got up early in the morning to prepare the same breakfast for her husband. She received the same response, “It’s just not like my Mom’s usual breakfast cooking.”

She made the breakfast two more times and two more times she received the same response. She became frustrated and indignant. The next morning, she made the eggs as hard as rubber. She burnt the bacon. She toasted the bread until it turned black like charcoal and made the coffee like mud.

She put the breakfast in front of her husband and waited for the response. Her husband sniffed the coffee, took one look at his plate and said, “Hey! It’s just like Mom used to make!”

Leadership Lesson:

Leaders cannot live in the past. What makes them successful yesterday cannot guarantee today’s success. There is a tendency to dwell in the past, glorify the past and not looking into the future. We can learn from the past and at the same time move forward into the future. The leadership style of command and control can bring good memories of your success, but they do not work anymore in today’s environment. How difficult it is for leaders to change when they have no change in their attitude. Leaders need hindsight, insight and foresight.

Cheok Kau Khoo

Cheok Kau Khoo is the Principal Trainer/Consultant for Kairos Performance Learning with working experience in education, manufacturing and service industries. He had been personally trained by Dr. Robert Cialdini who is the most cited expert in the Principles of Persuasion. He is certified in numerous training programs and is listed in the International Who’s Who of Professionals. He can be contacted at: ckkhoo@kairospl.com.

Heard about Emotional Capability? To find out more, please click on the “Training Workshop” category to find out.

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March 07, 2009

During the night, the rains had washed away the bridge and many cars plunged into the river after the drivers drove over the edge. The mayor of the town then told three men to stand by the road side and warn the drivers not to make the left turn. The drivers were to take the one-lane road that followed the side of the river.

The three men were to wear sandwich signs, hinged together to hang from the shoulders. They were told to stand at the cross roads so that the drivers could see these signs until the washed away bridge was fixed. The three men hurried to the dangerous curve and put the signs over their shoulders.

The first men had a sign that warned “Bridge Out” as he would the first person to be seen by the drivers. The second man had the sign “Reduce Speed” to slow down the drivers. The third stood at the curve so that the drivers would get off the wide road and onto the narrow road. His sign read. “Take The Right Road” with a finger icon pointing toward the safe route.

The three men performed their duties well, as they stood with the three signs to warn drivers of the washed-out bridge. Hundreds of lives were saved by the three sign holders. As time went on, they began to become complacent. The first man grew sleepy and took off his sign off his shoulders and propped it up against a boulder. As he slept, his arm covered one the two words on the sign such that it read :Bridge” instead of the original “Bridge Out”.

The second man became proud and felt important as drivers stopped to thank him for the job well done. He was thinking to himself how many drivers would have died without him. He became more important than the sign. As a result, he removed his sign, set it up on the ground and stood beside it. However, he was not aware that he was blocking one of the two words on the sign. He stood in front of the word, “Speed”. The drivers read the word “Reduce” and thought it was an advertisement about a diet plan.

The third man became concerned about the message of his sign, “Right Road Only”. He thought the message was too rigid and so he removed the word, “Only” to “Preferred”. After changing the message, he felt again it was too harsh and so he changed the word, “Preferred” to “Suggested”. Again, he felt the message was offensive to the drivers and he replace it with “Right Road – One of Two Equally Valid Alternatives”.

As the three men, one after another, changed the message, one car after another plunged into the river.

Leadership Lesson:

The leader must not be like the first man who started well, but did not finish well. Resiliency is a virtue for leaders – they must never give up despite the avalanche of challenges that come their way. Leaders cannot be complacent and bask in their past achievement. Those who settle for mediocrity don’t stand out.

The second man in the story became proud just like a leader who can become proud and arrogant. When the leader is praised, the leader can become swollen headed. We can find egoistic leaders who pour contempt on others. These leaders think that their positions give them the right for people to serve them. Instead, it should be the other way round – their positions in leadership is to serve others with humility.

Some leaders are like the third man. They want to gain popularity and try to please others by changing or diluting the message they are supposed to convey. Instead of showing their followers the right direction, they lead them to disaster, just like what the third man did to the drivers in the story.

Cheok Kau Khoo

Cheok Kau Khoo is the Principal Trainer/Consultant for Kairos Performance Learning with working experience in education, manufacturing and service industries. He had been personally trained by Dr. Robert Cialdini who is the most cited expert in the Principles of Persuasion. He is certified in numerous training programs and is listed in the International Who’s Who of Professionals. He can be contacted at: ckkhoo@kairospl.com.

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